TOP PARENTING CHALLENGES & HOW TO OVERCOME THEM
Becoming a new parent can be the most exciting and daunting time for the majority of people, a mix of emotions, excitement, anticipation and more. Once our babies arrive there is lots to consider, maybe situations that we weren’t prepared for, or even considered. There will be big milestones for every child and parent and with that many questions, doubts, fears wondering if we are doing the right thing or approaching the trickier times in the right way.
In a recent poll I carried out with my Parent Support Community, I asked parents what they rated as their top parenting challenge or concern, the top 4 challenges are ones are common for every family; Behaviours ranked as the number one challenge followed by Sleep, Fussy Eating and then Toilet Training and associated issues.
As our children grow up both the parents and the children go through lots of achievements as well as challenges too!
The common factor though, is us, the parents or caregivers. Our children need us to be there for them as much as possible, from meeting their basic needs of being fed, comforted when upset in a loving and consistent way and the emotional support too. Our kids also need boundaries, expectations, ideal routines and more – these important parts are what children thrive on!
It is so common for parents to doubt how they approach certain aspects of family life, comparing themselves to everyone else and how well they are doing when actually it’s just as much of a struggle for them too. Unless you have been through it before – there is always an opportunity to learn new ways.
Top Parenting Challenges & How to Overcome Them
Separation Anxiety & Clinginess
Potty Training
Late Talkers - Speech & Language Therapy
Sleep
Mealtimes & Fussy Eating
Behaviours
Separation Anxiety & Clinginess
This is one part of parenting that can be a struggle for both the parent and the child and is also very common.
So, why do our children fret when separating from us?
It’s the most natural thing in the world for our children to become upset and if it’s something we are not typically used to, that in itself may raise a concern and naturally so.
From around 4 months old, a small baby can tell the difference between their parents and other adults who may care for them. It’s recognised that at around 7-9 months, a baby has a specific emotional attachment to mum and will often protest when separating from her; this is often the time when many mothers return to work after maternity leave so it adds to what is already an emotional time for everyone.
However, be assured that it is not unusual for a baby to ‘make strange’ or to protest about separating from their parent or caregiver.
In terms of attachment, being clingy is not a sign of insecurity but it's really a sign that your child is secure with you and would like you there to keep them calm. In fact, the most securely attached infants, toddlers, and young children will cling to their parents or caregiver at times of upset.
Once they become used to a situation or the fear passes, our children usually feel confident to explore further from their parents.
We know that, if our children are being cared for by another trusted adult, that has their best interests at heart, and your child knows the routine of their day, they will recover almost immediately after the parent leaves.
This is actually a good sign of a healthy and strong attachment between you and your child.
Often when parents know and accept that this is a part of their emotional development, it eases that ‘pulling at the heartstrings’ for us!
3 great books that help with separation anxiety that I always refer to are
Owl Babies by Martin Waddell
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
Late Talkers - Speech & Language Therapy
Speech milestones and late talkers are common concerns for many parents and caregivers. We had concerns about our youngest boy for a period of time, my natural response was to gain advice from a reliable source, that person was Sarah Kelly, Senior Speech & Language Therapist of SpeakEasy SLT. Sarah is also a mum of two boys. We collaborated in 2021 when we spoke about late talkers, she shared that in 18 –24-month-old children, it is estimated that 12-15% are late talkers.
Sarah then went on to say that “A late talker is described as a child who is aged 18 - 30 months with a reduced vocabulary despite meeting all other milestones (receptive language, play, social & motor skills). The milestones in vocabulary we expect are: 18 months = 10 words, 24 months = 50 words and 36 months = 250 words. It is important to mention that the milestone means that 90% of children will achieve this and the average child will often have more words. Therefore, if your child isn’t meeting the milestone it is advised to seek help.”
Read full Blog on how to support your child if they need help with their speech
Potty Training
Potty Training can be a time of anticipation, especially for a first-time parent who has not had any experience training a toddler. Parents are often concerned about where to start, how do they know their child is ready or what if my child is afraid to poo, these are all very common concerns, especially if the child starts training very young.
Is my child ready?
The majority of parents begin to encourage potty training from the age of 3 years and younger, however if the child shows signs prior to that, take their lead. Remember it’s important to look for the signs of readiness, some children can be 3.5 years and older but I recommend having 3 years as a goal.
You may be in a situation now where your child hasn’t mastered it yet or they have regressed. However, consider the following signs of readiness;
When your child can communicate and use language to express their interest in the toilet like telling you when feeling the sensation to go
When they can understand and follow simple instructions
When they are showing best efforts taking off their own clothes, for example, pulling up & down pants – use elasticated bottoms, avoid buttons or tights
When they show an interest in other siblings and parents going to the toilet
When their nappy is not too wet from the last nappy change
If you are still not sure where to start, in my Preparing to Toilet Train Workshops I go through all the practical aspects that will help families approach this big milestone with ease and confidence.
Register for Parent Support’s next Preparing to Toilet Train Workshop
Sleep
This word will trigger many different emotions for each one of us, whether you have one child or four, the likelihood is that your sleep experience will vary, I can certainly vouch for this point! Sleep is also probably the one question parents are asked about most as they adjust to those early weeks and months after their newborn arrives, a common but also an annoying question to answer and one that we can’t possibly be clear on – due to the sleepless nights!
It's important that you don’t compare yourself to others during this time as it can make you feel more overwhelmed, the chances are they are finding it as tough too! Once the fog lifts and your baby is well and truly sturdy, there is lots of support out there that can help you along the way when it comes to figuring out sleep, and yes these supports can come in many forms, it’s looking at what is most comfortable and what feels right for you and your family.
Some of the great supports include
Babogue – who have a series of online courses called ‘The Sleep Series’
Lucy Wolfe and her ‘Baby Sleep Solution’ Books
The Sleepy Mammy & Niamh O’ Reilly of The Nursery for one-to-one consultations
Check out tips on how to improve your toddler’s sleep
Mealtimes & Fussy Eating
Mealtimes are breakfast, lunch and dinner and don’t forget the snacks in between! If only it was that straight forward! However, it’s without a doubt a real bone of contention for so many families as we often find ourselves cajoling, bribing or bargaining just so the kids will eat up.
When I asked my Parent Support Community if there was a fussy eater at home 86% yes while 14% said no. This statistic speaks volumes!
Young children are developing their own personalities and temperaments and in some cases food refusal is their way of exerting their independence or gaining attention which is very normal.
To ease your mind, I have shared what Caroline O’ Connor, registered dietician and founder of Solid Start had to say about our children’s nutritional requirements.
Nutritional Requirements – How much do children need?
“There are a range of nutritional requirements for macro (energy, carbohydrate, protein and fat) and micronutrients (vitamins and minerals) for children of all ages. Dietary reference values for these vary between countries. And so, parents may notice differences in recommendations depending on where they access their information. The HSE and Department of Health issued new recommendations in 2020 for children aged 1-4 years and there are long-standing recommendations for children aged 4+. These are population-based recommendations. Just because a child isn’t eating the recommended number of servings from each group doesn’t mean they’re not meeting their nutritional requirements. If parents are worried about their child’s nutritional intake then I recommend consulting with a registered dietitian.”
Some of the main challenges parents and caregivers have reported recently on my Parent Support community are, their child not eating fruit or vegetables, refusal to try new foods, worrying if they are getting the nutrients they need, feeling like the kids are getting the same things all the time, constantly asking for snacks, actually sitting down at the table and the parent or caregiver themselves trying to keep calm.
Some problem areas that I have come across over the years of supporting families and my own children like refusing foods can be caused by external factor such as; distractions at mealtimes in the form of TV being on, toys at the table, minimal routine around mealtimes or sitting anywhere but the kitchen table, filling up on drinks or snacks prior to mealtimes, or worrying about offering the foods they don’t like.
While nutritional requirements are high for children on the amount they should be eating, that in itself can put pressure on families, so when they are refusing the wholesome foods it then becomes frustrating for the parent and they can often feel at a loss of what to do!
For lots more tips I recently covered the topic in my own blog encouraging healthy eating habits for children
Behaviours
Behavioural issues are the top challenge for most parents or caregivers. From toddler tantrums to full on outbursts, or when you are seeking a change in how you are managing things as a parent or when you find yourself coming up against a particular situation again and again, or sometimes a big challenge is when the adults don’t agree. Behavioural issues can mean different things for different families, so it is important to take time to consider the current situation and take stock of the bigger picture.
Consider asking the following questions
What expectations and family rules have you in place already?
Do the children know what those expectations are?
What do the patterns of behaviour look like?
What triggers the behaviour?
What triggers you?
What are the parenting styles like at home?
Can you identify the challenges in how the adults at home parent?
Is there a good cop, bad cop approach?
Do you follow through with the children if you have decided on using consequences?
All of these factors play a big part in how the daily scenarios play out.
When we take a step back to look at the overall picture, that includes the relationships between the children and the adults, how we communicate, how we problem solve but most importantly, it’s not just about approaching one particular challenging situation and firefighting it – it is focusing on the bigger picture; the family rules, the routines, the consistency, follow through and the adults working together. While these are ideal, they can be the catalyst to why parenting can be so challenging versus empowering you to keep going!
If you are looking for further ways to help you on your parenting journey check out these blogs:
Positive Parenting Explained [ + 5 ways to adapt your parenting style]
Or you can sign up to the Online Positive Parenting Course
No matter what age our children are, we will continue to ask ourselves if we are doing the right thing, if we are taking the correct approach or simply knowing that it’s part of our parenting journey, it’s human nature. Sometimes it takes talking to the other adults or seeking outside support, whoever that may be. Some challenges take longer to resolve than others, some don’t have a straightforward answer, regardless though, there is lots of support out there and within my own blogs you will see lots of expert advice from a range of professionals – Best of luck!
If you are feeling overwhelmed or facing challenges with your children, I am here to help. I offer tailored 1 to 1 parent support sessions or corporate parenting talks. Get in touch with me today at aoife@parentsupport.ie, I offer eLearning Parenting Courses on Positive Parenting and Managing Screen Time & Device Use which will help support you in the challenges you may be facing.