PARENTING Q&A | COMMON CHALLENGES CHILDREN FACE WHEN RETURNING TO SCHOOL WITH SANDRA BYRNE
The back-to-school transitions are in full swing, there has been so much advice and support out there from many services, experts and our schools especially for families and the children as we adapt back into a new school term.
We all know there can be the initial weeks and sometimes months for settling in for the children, whether that be navigating friendships, managing school and homework, children feeling anxious or being bullied, all of which can be tough challenges for both children and the parents.
For this guest blog I wanted to gain some advice for you all from an experienced primary school teacher, who is with children in their school environment and knows how to support them when faced with what can sometimes be tricky times.
Sandra Byrne, is a mum of four small boys and a primary school teacher of 19 years . Sandra has created the website www.askateacher.ie where parents and caregivers can connect with independent primary school teachers for advice, guidance and online tutoring. Sandra has created courses for parents who want to know what their child should know by the end of each class level and she created a starter Irish E-Book for parents who want to help their child to learn the Irish language.
Top tips on how to support your child as they return to school
What can a parent do to support their child if they are having difficulty mixing and making friends at school?
Always speak to the teacher, ask her/him to let you know how they think the child is mixing with others. If an issue is highlighted, the school should create opportunities for the child to mix and play with different groups. If the child is struggling with social skills, they would benefit from being in a little social skills group – usually run by support teachers in the school. After that, try to arrange some 1:1 playdates with other children in the class to help build their confidence and get to know other children a little deeper. Extra curricular activities are a good idea too – anything that puts the child into a group of peers offers an opportunity to mix and make friends.
What can a parent do to support the work that the teacher covers in the classroom?
Homework can be a great communication between school and home – it can be an opportunity to see what the child is covering in school, especially in the core areas – reading, spelling, writing, maths and Irish. If a parent notices an area that their child is struggling in, contact the teacher to see how best they can support the learning. In a general sense, encouraging reading, visiting the library, asking the child about what they have learned in school will all support the work being done in school.
What is your perspective on homework?
Homework can be a great link between home and school – you get an overall feel of how your child is managing via the homework. However, if it is not pitched right, homework can be a stressful time of the day in many households. Also if homework is just busy work, this can cause stress too. Ideally it should be short and sweet. Every school will have a homework policy – this will outline how many minutes homework should take at each year level. It is worth checking out. If your child is going over the outlined time, they may be given too much homework or the child is struggling to do it.
What questions do you suggest a parent asks their child about their day at school?
I think most kids hate the general question of ‘how was school today?’ I like questions like: “what was the best part of your day today?” or “what did you play in the yard today?” Or “tell me one thing you learned today.” Try not to probe them with too many questions. What is important is that they have a space to talk to you about school if they want to – this could be at dinner, or just before bed.
If a parent can see that their child is not settling in school, what is the usual approach, or does it depend on the situation?
First port of call is to contact the teacher, get their perspective. Sometimes they just need more time. Maybe there is a reason such as sitting with a group they don’t have a great connection with – possibly a seating change would make all the difference. If there is nothing particularly obvious, I would look into play therapy – this allows your child to express their emotions through play with a trained therapist.
Have you any advice from a teacher's perspective if a child presents as quite anxious at school, particularly as we start a new academic year?
Many children feel quite anxious starting back to school. It is important to allow time for everyone to settle in. Generally the children will have a new teacher, so they have to get used to a new routine. Don’t be afraid to clue the teacher in so that he/she can keep an eye on it and they can let you know if they feel it is escalating. Again play therapy would be a good place for an anxious child if the anxiety is still there 3-4 weeks in.
How can parents help the teacher?
Ensuring that your child comes to school every day (unless ill).
Ensuring your child gets a good night’s sleep.
Providing a healthy lunch.
Encouraging daily reading – regular visits to the library.
If any issues arise, work with the teacher on an agreed plan so that your child has the best outcome.
What are your thoughts on bullying in the school yard?
Bullying is completely unacceptable. Every school will have an anti-bullying policy which is worth checking out. Bullying is repeated, deliberate behaviour that can be verbal, physical, or social (eg isolating someone). Children do fall out with one another and there will often be once-off incidents, but if you notice a repeated behaviour, contact the school right away. Often it can be nipped in the bud straight away and everyone can move on in a positive way. Schools will run anti-bullying initiatives and programmes throughout the year and hopefully children will be given the skills to speak up. Again making sure you have a time in your day for your child to be able to come to you with a problem is key.
Check out the top tips on how to cope with the back to school transition
As a parent myself, I know how hard it can be not to worry about the children, making sure they are ok, happy, have friends, can manage their homework etc, but it is all part of our children growing up too. If there are ways we can support them, we will. Trust your gut as you know your own child best, if change needs to happen, it can often take time, so allow that also.
Follow Sandra on Instagram/Facebook at @askateacher.ie for bite sized info on how to support your child’s learning.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or facing challenges with your children, I am here to help. I offer tailored 1 to 1 parent support sessions or corporate parenting talks. Get in touch with me today at aoife@parentsupport.ie, I offer eLearning Parenting Courses on Positive Parenting and Managing Screen Time & Device Use which will help support you in the challenges you may be facing.