The reality is that now there is a norm of constant connection in school, social, work and home life which has so many benefits as well as the challenges too. With Global Safer Internet Day on  February 6th 2024 - I wanted to give some practical and helpful advice on a variety of approaches when managing device use and screen time, and to raise awareness of emerging online issues.

Over the last 10 years we have seen a significant increase in device use, whether that is TV, tablets, phone use or gaming consoles as a source of activity and entertainment . Whether you have a toddler or teenager at home, device use is a reality and can cause much frustration and arguments.

Many families experience the feeling of guilt as a result of increased screen time, however not all screen time is bad and it is an essential resource for many.  Where possible adapt your rules to suit your family needs. 

Devices & Screen time

What’s really important is investing in our child's relationship with technology which involves tight supervision and one to one guidance, an investment that many parents won’t or are unable to commit to. This coupled with portraying good role modelling in terms of your own use of technology is key.  If there are constant arguments about device use, you need to start  a conversation together with your child and create a plan, then by creating an agreement with the kids it will help them feel like they are being listened to.

The reality is our new generation of children and teenagers, have an entirely different way of seeing the world, processing information, so very different to us! It’s how our children are communicating and staying connected with their peers, it’s what they need right now.  However, you may have found though that devices are causing a lot of arguments and a behavioural change – whether that be deteriorating behaviours, not coping well when it’s time to come off the screens or you are having difficulty setting boundaries of when they can have screen time. This might be an indication of other potential issues that you need to watch out for.

Keeping your kids safe online

It is important for you as the parent or caregiver to have open and honest communication with your child to ensure they are protected online from some serious risks such as; 

• Adults targeting children or teens via social media profiles or online gaming apps for grooming purposes

• The risk of teens oversharing personal information online

• Cyberbullying - start the conversation before it happens, once children begin to access social media profiles and smartphone apps like WhatsApp etc - it’s really important to create awareness and the message that it is not ok to negatively comment on somebody’s race, religion, culture, looks etc.

Webwise is the Irish Internet Safety Awareness Centre they have recently created ‘The Full Picture’ which is a short film exploring how young people use social media to connect and share. 

Here are my 9 top tips to managing screen time & keeping your child safe online

1. Set expectations & minimum requirements

Decide on what needs to be done on a day-to-day-basis in terms of activities, homework and chores before anyone goes on any devices – including ourselves! It’s the normal things like getting dressed, having your breakfast and brushing your teeth as the "minimum requirement"!

2. Autonomy & independence

If there is an opportunity for the kids to learn a new skill, help out at home like cooking or cleaning, incorporate these jobs too. It might take a bit of planning but it will be worth it, giving them the chance to build their skill set and an opportunity to earn some pocket money. You can use a simple checklist or reward chart to help with the sense of achievement.

3. Agree the rules

Talk and agree with your child about screen and device use. Agree and compromise on times when screens are allowed and not allowed in the home. For example, dinner time, homework & bedtime.

4. Limit the use of computers/devices in the bedroom

Depending on the age of your child you may want to set a curfew or ban devices from the bedroom completely, particularly during homework, study and bedtime.  Encourage a charging station or area at home to avoid devices being brought into the bedroom at night.

5. Be a positive role model

Do as you say - Modelling behaviour is THE most powerful way you can influence your child’s behaviour.  Be aware of your own use, what message do you want to give your child? Activate your screen time management in your settings to see what your daily average use is, from here you will be able to set limits for screen and app usage if necessary.

 6. Stick to the rules

It can be easy to encourage kids to pick up the tablet or play a game on the computer to keep them occupied. This only confuses rules on screen time, try and stick to the agreed rules with your child and remember to set a good example.

 7. Get involved

Set some time aside to discover the online world together, be familiar with the sites they use, be prepared for the topic of inappropriate use or sites that your child will come across without intent.  Explore with them what they would do if this happened. You want to let your child know that you are approachable and willing to talk to them – if they need to.

 8. Communication is key

If you are concerned that your child’s behaviour has deteriorated due to the volume of device time they have had or are not themselves – keep the conversation going, you want them to be able talk when needed.  Review boundaries and rules if necessary.

 9. Parental controls & permissions

Educate yourself on the different types of permissions and privacy settings across your devices,  different apps, social media platforms, online games and streaming channels.

If you are not familiar with social media apps I would recommend checking out the Parent’s Resource on different Apps that will answer any concerns you may have and help you decide what restrictions you want to place on your child’s account. For example TikTok’s Parent’s Safety Centre & A Parent’s Guide to Snapchat.

Some functions include:

• Filter content

• Set up Safe Search

• Schedule online access - set time limits

• Manage social media accounts

• Block unsuitable websites & apps

• Block & manage online gaming, particularly when certain games have age limits

• Block payments or in app purchases

• Restrict chat functions

• Monitor your child’s phone

• Monitor your child’s location

• Restrict times of active WIFI

• Keep webcams off/covered up when not in use

• Turn off auto play on streaming sites

Some additional advice if your child is asking for a device or is a gamer already and enjoys connecting with their friends during the Covid restrictions:

• Know what kind of games your kids are playing

• Make sure their profile to private and choose a fun username

• Understand the games’ ratings and suggested age range

• Keep an eye on their gaming interactions with others

• Adjust the parental controls and privacy settings accordingly

• Keep an eye and ear open for changes in speech, language and behaviour

Likewise if you have a child that is looking for their first phone or has just got one – my few pointers here may support you all a little.

Healthy Habits

Once you have carved out your family framework, technology can be used in so many beneficial ways; helping to educate, empower and keep your children connected. It is important to keep a balance of digital and non digital activities for children of all ages, if you need some ideas check out my post on keeping the kids busy during lockdown.  

Some helpful resources 

Google family link app: helps you set digital ground rules with regards to content, screen time and location, it is available for iOS and Android.

Webwise Parents Hub : a great Irish initiative where you can get information, support and advice to keep your children safe online.

CommonSense.org : is a useful tool to assess ratings and suitability of movies, books, apps and games for your children.

Screentime Lab App : is a centralised hub from where you can control a multitude of things such as set time limits, allocate screentime rewards, pause your child’s device, approve apps, view web history, location tracking and geo fencing. 

OurPact App : is another great parental control app with family locator functionality.

Cyber Safe Ireland: will help you stay up to date and help you assess your family’s online safety needs.

Tackle Bullying and The Anti Bullying Centre: are good sites to give you the information you need to help inform and support you and your child on the risks of bullying. 

Remember, the more you can get the kids involved in the conversation the better, you want to work together as opposed to playing opposites.  Screen time is a big part of our lives whether we like it or not, it’s now about what you can do to support one another, don’t be afraid to encourage boundaries – children thrive on them! 

To hear me chat more about the kids and their devices – listen back here to my recent interview on TodayFM with Dermot & Dave for ‘Mind Yourself Now’.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or facing challenges with your children, I am here to help, I offer tailored 1 to 1 parent support sessions. Get in touch with me today at aoife@parentsupport.ie or if you are interested in creating a happier and calmer home I offer a Positive Parenting eLearning Course.