One of the most challenging times for a family is when their child resists going to school or what is better known in the industry of educational psychology as ‘emotionally based school avoidance’.  There are so many emotions involved for both the child and the parent, often it’s the overwhelming feelings that lead the family into not knowing what to do or how to approach school refusal anxiety.

I was very fortunate to speak with an educational psychologist recently, where we addressed the issues of how family and school can help support a child who is refusing to go to school.  

We discussed what EBSA (emotionally based school avoidance)  is. What to do if your child doesn’t want to go to school? Recognising the signs  and symptoms of school refusal and school refusal tips for concerned parents.

What is school refusal or emotionally based school avoidance?

It is common for children to worry about school.  Anxiety is part of life and learning to deal with it is part of growing up. However, sometimes a child’s worries may lead to difficulties with school attendance. If your child experiences high levels of anxiety and does not want to attend school they may be experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA). EBSA, also known as school refusal, can be used to describe children who do not attend school due to emotional factors. This absence can often lead to long periods of time away from school. Often, the child’s anxiety will reduce during weekends or school holidays. 

What should I do if my child won’t go to school? 

One of the best things you can do is to calmly listen to your child, validate their concerns and acknowledge that their fears are real to them. Remind them that they do need to go to school but reassure them that you and the school will work with them to make school a happier place for them. It is important to talk to your child’s teacher as soon as possible and work with the school to try to address the issue. A plan should be made with the school to help your child. It is crucial that adults both at home and in school work together to agree on a consistent approach. Ensure you maintain a positive and ‘united front’ in front of your child and don’t share any concerns you may have about the plan with them. Sometimes things get worse before they get better and be prepared for that. 

What are the signs and symptoms for school refusal/ emotionally based school avoidance?

• Fearfulness, anxiety and tantrums when faced with the prospect of attending school

• They might complain about feeling sick or having tummy aches, headaches, sore throat without any sign of physical illness

• They might complain of symptoms of anxiety which would include a racing heart, butterflies in their stomach, sweating, difficulty breathing or nausea. 

These symptoms are often worse on weekdays and absent at weekends. 

What are the risk factors for school refusal behaviour/ emotionally based school avoidance?

There are some factors that place children at a higher risk of EBSA. These are usually present alongside other changes in circumstance and it is important to bear in mind the interactions between home, school and the wider influences on the child. Different children will be reluctant to attend school for different reasons. 

School Factors

• Bullying

• Poor relationship with the teacher 

• Social isolation/ loneliness 

• Difficulties with school work

• Academic demands 

• Transition from primary to secondary school 

• Exams 

Family/ home factors 

• Changes to home environment; divorce, separation, parental illness (mental & physical) 

• High levels of family stress 

• Overprotection from parent 

• Dysfunctional family interactions 

• Being the youngest child 

• Loss and bereavement 

• Family history of school avoidance 

• Young carer 

Child factors 

• Age (5-6, 11-12, 13-14) 

• Anxiety and/or depression 

• Difficulties with emotional regulation 

• Negative thinking, low self- esteem, and poor problem  solving ability 

• Learning difficulties, developmental problems or ASD 

• Fear of failure and low self confidence 

• Separation anxiety / attachment 

What is the treatment for school refusal/ emotionally based school avoidance?

Where risks of emotionally based school avoidance are identified, it is important to gather further information from the child and from their teachers and to put strategies in place to support them as soon as possible. Fast action can prevent emotionally based school avoidance from becoming entrenched and will result in much better outcomes. It is important that the child’s progress is monitored carefully. 

Tips for the concerned parents or caregivers to help stop the cycle of school refusal/ emotionally based school avoidance

Curious

Talk with your child about what is going on for them, be curious about their feelings and help them to describe their emotions. Acknowledge that their fears are real to them. 

Caring

Listen well, empathise with your child’s experience, encourage them, don’t ask leading questions, and stay calm.

Collaboration

Keep a good relationship with the school, keeping up a ‘united front’ and holding more conflicted discussions away from your child. Encourage your child to keep in touch with school friends if they are out of school and ensure you are sharing the message that school is not optional. 

Control

Do as much preparation ahead of the school-day as possible, be consistent and remain focused on the goal, keep up routines and be optimistic. Small steps may be necessary, and remember your own self-care, make sure you have someone to talk to, so you feel in control as much as possible.

Coping

Help your child learn about anxiety and coping strategies, normalise anxiety and share that we all have fears, model how to manage these, teach your child that some level of anxiety is helpful as it can motivate us, and encourage your child to engage in activity, exercise and relaxation.

Coaching 

Don’t avoid everything that causes anxiety, be realistic and optimistic, showing your child you believe in them, reduce the time your child has to anticipate events so the anxiety cannot build-up too much over time, try not to reinforce your child’s fears and support your child in facing the fears.

Emotionally Based School Avoidance or school refusal as we know it, is a situation that can take time to resolve as often there are a lot more factors to consider.  It is important to look at your own situation and see what you feel is needed to help get you and your child through this difficult time.

Author notes:

The information was supplied by a Registered Psychologist with the Health and Care Professions Council UK (HCPC) with the credentials BSc; Grad Dip in Education; MSc (Educational Psychology). Due to industry practises the author wished to remain anonymous and we will not be disclosing the business. 

If you are feeling overwhelmed or facing challenges with your children, I am here to help. I offer tailored 1 to 1 parent support sessions or corporate parenting talks. Get in touch with me today at aoife@parentsupport.ie, I offer eLearning Parenting Courses on Positive Parenting and Managing Screen Time & Device Use which will help support you in the challenges you may be facing.